The Vegetation Incident

1 Sept - 30 Sept 2020

I am traumatised, I have had a vegetation incident at the local park. Nix didn’t seem to understand why I was rubbing my nose into the ground so she came to have a closer look. There was blood in my moustache and I had a huge sticky thing stuck between the end of my nose and my lip. Nix tried to get it out but I wouldn’t let her. Eventually she talked me round, well actually she got me into a half nelson and gently prised it free. It took a long time and it hurt a bit but it was much better once it was gone. 

While I was panicking I must have swallowed some of it and we all know what happened last time I swallowed a prickly thing, I ate my bedding in the car on the way home. Nix had to search my poop for days to make sure it had all come out.  Just in case this time Nix took all the bedding out of the car but I started on the carpet. In the end I had to sit in the front on the passenger seat so Nix could keep an eye on me. We are home now and I’ve had some bread and butter and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I was panicking a bit at first and did try to eat the rug in the spare room. 

Nix says she’s exhausted and why can’t we have just one day without some sort of drama. She doesn’t mean it of course, it gives her something to do.

2 Sept 2020

Well it’s been a very busy day today which is why I am a little late writing. I am fully recovered from the burr incident yesterday though it did take most of the rest of the day and evening. 

The brown curly job was on the beach this morning but I had already been put on the lead. It’s very annoying that Nix is taller than me and sees it first even with her shocking eyesight. I shouted from a distance and did my bucking bronco routine so now any chance of using the burr incident for sympathy has gone right out of the window. 

We went over to Hove where we used to live to go to the pet shop and visit my wall.  Nix actually went into the pet shop with her mask on, she said she’d only do it for me. She had some breakfast at the restaurant on the beach which is still being built so she bought her croissant from a garden shed on the prom. 

This afternoon we had a lovely surprise visit from Rog and Jed. Jed ran all over the garden and never got told off at all. Now if that had been me we’d never hear the end of it. We went for a walk on the beach and poor Jed got into a bit of a scrap. I was very tempted to join in but restrained myself. Poor Jed was bleeding from his lip but he was very brave. It didn’t stop him going up to every other dog we met to say hello. I can’t be bothered with them unless they have brown curly fur. We stopped for coffee and Nix went into the restaurant to order it and forgot to wear her mask. No one said anything. Nix and Rog bought crêpes from a van and ate them on the way home. 

I’m very tired now so going to bed.

3 Sept 2020

So can I just say that Nix has been asleep on the sofa for most of the day. My morning walk was curtailed because  the brown jobby arrived and decided to go the same way as us. I really really don’t like him and he annoys me because he completely ignores me even when I’m going ballistic. Nix said the whole of Shoreham could hear me. 

I managed to get Nix to take me to the local park for five minutes but she said she was exhausted as I’d kept her up all night digging up the shower tray for no apparent reason.  She wasn’t happy either when she decided to tidy the car and grabbed a bag that had my sick in it from the burr incident the other day. I don’t personally know what all the fuss was about, it was just a bit of grass...well quite a lot of grass actually.

I know you’ll all agree with Nix that my behaviour on the beach was not acceptable so I’m posting photos of the burrs that got stuck on my lip for sympathy.

4 Sept 2020

Oh dear... what a fiasco last night. Nix always takes a mug of hot milk to bed with her. She placed it carefully on the bedside table and got into bed. She said it was like laying on a sandy beach and she blamed me of course. She’s the one who walks round with no shoes on and she’s the one who puts the sand in the bed. Anyway she decided to pull the duvet off and brush the sand off but you know how clumsy she is. It was an accident waiting to happen and happen it did. The hot milk went flying, all over the bed and all over the rug.  Now you’d think she’d have learnt wouldn’t you but oh no...she did exactly the same thing with a cup of tea this morning...I’m keeping my distance. 

We got a couple of half decent walks in today when she wasn’t chucking beverages around. This morning we went to the beach as it was low tide so lots of sand to gather for the bed. This afternoon we went to a new place where they moor yachts. We were going to walk along the towpath but Nix got scared walking so close to the deep water so we had to abandon that walk. I’m promised better tomorrow.

5 Sept 2020

I’m booked in for next Thursday for the third attempt to flush my bypass. Nix thinks it’s almost back to normal so hopefully it will get done. Until it is done I don’t get to do any jumping so things are a bit boring. I haven’t been able to get a groom either so Nix has been brushing and combing me herself. Thank goodness I don’t have to put up with that too often, she’s absolutely useless. 

This morning I only got a quick walk round the block because Nix was expecting a package. It was meant to arrive between 7.51 and 9.51 which immediately annoyed her because she said the times were stupid. Anyway we went out at 7am for a quick walk but while we were out Nix got a text to say it would arrive between 6.51 and 10.51 so we had to rush back which annoyed her even more. She decided to send a ‘safe place’ for it to be left so we could go out but then she got another email to say it would be delivered on Tuesday...it arrived while we were out. 

To make up for the extremely short walk this morning I got to go to the hill this afternoon so I am very happy...and tired. I met the Husky and I was very well behaved in fact Nix said I was being a very good boy at the moment.  That was before the two black labradors incident but it was just a quick hump and they did still have their bits and pieces so it wasn’t really my fault. I got told off for humping on two counts. Firstly it’s very rude apparently and secondly it would harm my chances of getting my flush done. I am suitably repentant...for now.

6 Sept 2020

So we had to get up really early this morning because Nix’s church service thingy on Zoom has moved from 10am to 8am. We had our walk and I was settled with my head in her lap when she suddenly realised that it was the first Sunday of the month in which case it stays at 10am. Now I was not happy about this because it meant waiting a long time for my next walk. I tried the rolling on my back and gazing into her eyes routine but incredibly this did not work, must be losing my touch. The evil glare did the trick and I got another walk before the Zoom thingy started. Nix was trying to get me off her lap before it began but I just pretended to be asleep. I do get off as soon as she starts singing. 

This afternoon we’ve been to the woods and stopped for a cup of tea. When I saw Nix ordering two slices of lemon drizzle I just assumed one was for me...wrong, she ate them both. This will be the real reason her latest purchase from M&S doesn’t fit, nothing to go with their sizing being wrong. 

7 Sept 2020

You know how I like to lie on the sofa with my head in Nix’s lap while she strokes my brow. Well she’s got very lazy during this virus thingie and tends to fall asleep mid stroke. The stares don’t work however evil I try to make them so I’ve got a new trick which I’m rather proud of because I invented it myself. I think it’s hilarious, Nix probably not so much. It works better if Nix has fallen asleep just as it’s starting to get dark and she hasn’t turned the outside lights on. I suddenly jump up and stare at the back door which has glass in it. If it’s dark Nix can’t see if there is anyone there. Well let’s face it she wouldn’t be able to see even if it was broad daylight because her eyesight is shocking. Just as she starts to relax and doze off again I start my low rumbling growl whilst still looking at the back door. Works every time, she has to get up and look and then I just have to wait for her to come back and I can get into position again...it works brilliantly. 

Today we’ve been to my top favourite place, Devil’s Dyke. We were going to have our lunch there...outside of course...but we were too early and they were closed. Nix said she was starving so she wasn’t happy. I’m not being funny but how she could be starving after what she put away for breakfast is beyond me.

8 Sept 2020

I should just like to let you all know that I have been vindicated...again...with regards to the brown curly job. My friend Bear the little Pomeranian was being walked through town when the brown curly job tried to attack him. This is why I don’t like him, he’s a bit disturbed I think. It’s a good job Nix wasn’t there, she’d have given them a few pointers. My suggestion would be to get those tentacles off!

Anyway we’ve been into Brighton today for a walk along the seafront. Nix wasn’t happy, said everyone was coming too close. I could hear her muttering, “Pandemic...what pandemic?”  She says she’s getting a T-shirt printed with ‘DONT KILL YOUR GRANNY’ and I can tell you something, I shan’t be walking with her if she wears it.

It’s very hot here, like a summer’s day...

9 Sept 2020

We’ve had a very lazy day so far but there was an incident on the beach this morning and guess what...it didn’t involve me. There was a dog wandering around and he didn’t seem to have an owner so Nix was looking for a name tag when this chap appeared in the distance. Nix asked if the dog was his and he said yes.  Nix asked him jokingly how he managed to keep an eye on when he pooped and he definitely didn’t like that. He shouted at Nix that he had picked the poo up on the beach and then he came very close to Nix and shouted in her face, “ALRIGHT”  Nix had to ask him to keep his distance and two joggers stopped to ask her if she was okay.  He wasn’t a very nice man...apparently, I was too busy sniffing a bush to notice. Then Nix, stupidly in my opinion, asked him where the bag of poo was if he’d picked it up... probably not one of her best ideas because he got very angry. I had to escort him off the premises. 

We’ve had a meander into town but that’s all really, it’s very hot and tomorrow I have to go to the vet to have my bypass flushed. Nix doesn’t think they will be able to do it because she says it’s still swollen. We shall see, we are there at 4.40. 

10 Sept 2020

I have had my flush...I told Nix there was nothing to worry about. My port is still a bit swollen but Bron my vet said it was much better than last time. I had my photo taken with her, I love her. I was gone for ages but what Nix doesn’t realise is that I am very popular at the hospital and everyone wants to say hello. All the other vets and nurses are very impressed that I just lie there to get my flush and I don’t need sedating. Bron is very gentle and she doesn’t hurt me and I had to have a lot of blood taken today too for lots of tests just to convince the humans of what I know to be true...I am very well indeed.

We had a little walk in the woods before we went to the hospital so now I am very tired indeed, it’s been a long day.  Nix has fallen asleep on the sofa, anyone would think it was her who’d been flushed.

11 Sept 2020

I’ve been full of beans today which is apparently not always a good thing. Today it has been a good thing as I have behaved myself and it cheered Nix up to see me having such a good time. I feel better after my flush, Nix thinks maybe the swelling was caused by something that has now gone. Anyway I’m feeling pretty good and full of energy. Nix also found out something too about the Propalin that I take for my willy leaks. It can cause restlessness and irritability or in her eyes having incidents with brown curly jobs.  The best bit is she decided to get my thyroid checked yesterday because of my behaviour and because I’d been slowing down a bit.  Now I’m not slowing down any more and my incidents could possibly be caused by the Propalin...that’s £150 down the drain...says Nix.

We’ve been to Lancing today and they are having their annual scarecrow festival. Humans can be very strange at times I’ve decided. I don’t like the scarecrows and Nix made me have my photo taken with them...I tried to pull the nose off one of them.

Nix said to say kidney blood results should come back today or tomorrow, urine culture from the port in about a week and the ‘money down the drain’ thyroid test probably in about a week too. 

PS Apparenly I’m really hard work when it comes to getting my photo taken as I always look the wrong way.

12 Sept 2020

Look what arrived for Nix this morning all the way from the US from our friend Jane...ear savers for when Nix wears her mask. They stop the mask from making the back of Nix’s ears sore and stop it from slipping down. Nix is very pleased with them and hopefully it will stop her from complaining. 

13 Sept 2020

Okay so do you want to know what the best thing was that happened today, it made me laugh a lot.  Picture the scene, Nix has the iPad set up for her church Zoom service. Now Nix used to go to one of those mad happy crappy churches in London where they all wave their arms around, apparently Billy my predecessor had to go too poor thing. Anyway her church here on the beach is like a proper church, much more sedate, no waving arms. So the Zoom service starts and eventually they get to sing a hymn which Nix really likes. She just can’t help herself, she’s transported back to being a happy crappy waving her arms around. This was all fine until the chap who was doing all the technical stuff accidentally switched everyone’s hymn lyrics view to the gallery view.  Everyone was looking fairly sane except Nix who was waving her arms around like the mad woman that she is. Almost as soon as it happened it got switched back to the hymn again and I think everyone was wondering whether they’d imagined the sight they’d just seen. I had no alternative, blackmail had to get involved as there was going to be lemon drizzle cake later of which I got none last week. 

So I got to visit the woods and the beach and got a very big stick that Nix said even I couldn’t get stuck in my mouth. Best of all, I actually got some of Nix’s lemon drizzle cake. It was a fun day apart from having to listen to Nix drone on all the way home. I can smell the poopies...” and then five minutes later, “I can definitely smell the poopies...”  Yes well she would have been able to smell ‘the poopies’ because it was all over her shoes.

14 Sept 2020

Just got my results. I have more bacteria so I shall have to go back onto AB’s short term just to try and knock it on the head. Apparently when you have a bypass this is quite normal. Nix says it’s the first time I’ll ever be normal.  My best result was from something called the SDMA which tells the vet really early if your kidneys aren’t working properly. The range is 0-14 and last November it was 24...it is now 11!!!  This is the first time it’s been in range since I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease back in March 2017. The turkey mince and prayers must be doing the trick, I knew they would. 

15 Sept 2020

So Nix thought she was going to get away with a shorter walk today as she reckons she was still exhausted from yesterday’s cleaning of the bungalow. This is not an exercise that occurs very often so it’s natural for her to be a little tired. That is not an excuse however for cutting short my walks so I had to use the imploring eyes routine...never fails. 

We went to the beach this morning and no sign of the brown curly job, reckon I’ve seen him off for good. Then we went to the river as it was so hot and I could cool off. Only problem with that is we have to drive there and Nix has somehow managed to switch her car radio to the Bluetooth thingy and she can’t change it back. Not only did I have to put up with Cathy’s Clown on repeat I had to listen to her singing every single word at the top of her voice...with the windows down. How come she knows all the words to a song from sixty years ago but can’t remember to take the front door key out with her...again. 

We had a visit from Honey this afternoon, she’s a Cavapoo. She got far too much attn to my mind so I was obliged to dig a hole in the garden. I prefer it when it’s just me and Nix but don’t tell her.

16 Sept 2020

So it’s gone 8pm and still no blog, you really can’t get the staff. Nix’s excuse, she’s got her friend Jean staying and basically they’ve been gallivanting about all day and I just got dragged along too. Yes we did go to Widewater and that was quite nice I suppose but then I got left at home so they could go in the sea.  It was freezing apparently...serves them right for leaving me on my own. 

We went out for pizza this evening and that was quite nice I suppose but Nix does need some lessons in dog body language. When I put the brakes on and refuse to go any further and it’s hot and there’s a water bowl under a table I’d have thought it was fairly obvious...not to Nix. Jean had to tell her I needed a drink...more animal abuse.  

There are pictures of Jean in the sea...thankfully none of Nix in her bathing costume. 

17 Sept 2020

Warning...Nix is fuming...I’ve been a bad bad boy. I know I dug a hole yesterday but I was bored. Nix and Jean were busy chatting inside and no one was taking any notice of me so what was I supposed to do. It’s not really that big, you know how Nix exaggerates so I’m not quite sure why she’s so mad. There might have been a favourite plant involved so could be that. 

Anyway the incident last night probably didn’t help her mood. We went to the beach when it was really dark so Nix and Jean could look at the stars and the planets. Nix had her binoculars with her and was gazing into the sky when Jean noticed a man with a torch and a dog. You’ll never guess who it was. Even in the dark I knew it was him, the brown curly job. I started to bark and howl and Nix tried to make out I nearly pulled her over which is not true. I mean what gives him the right to come to my beach at all, never mind at night. Notice he came in the dark, hoping I wouldn’t know he was there and no one would see him. He doesn’t respond to my barking which is even more annoying. Nix said I was a disgrace and I’m thinking that’s probably not a good thing. 

Start of a new day today, what could go wrong. I was on my best behaviour if you don’t count getting on Jean’s bed this morning as soon as she got in the shower.  I think Nix found that mildly amusing, Jean maybe not so much but I didn’t get told off. 

We went into town for coffee and sat outside. Nix went inside to get them and she had to leave her name and phone number because of the virus thingy. She thinks the chap was just after her number... sad.  A dog with a brown curly coat walked past and I got a bit stressed out. Apparently it was a poodle and nothing like the brown curly job from the beach but I still felt funny when I saw it. We walked round the churchyard on the way home and Jean nearly fell over and here was me thinking it was just Nix. 

Jean has gone home now so Nix thought she’d put the rubbish out...oops. Look if she is going to plant things by the bins and put lots of soil on top of them then they are going to get dug up. I mean who does that, all that fresh soil, too much of a temptation.  I know the plants are dead now and she’d ordered them especially but if she’d bothered to tidy up round there more often she might have found them and saved them. Who wants Perywinkles growing anyway, they sound weird. 

18 Sept 2020

It’s been one of those up and down days. Last night I wasn’t very well and I woke Nix up trying to dig up the bathroom floor. She put the light on and could see I was poorly so I didn’t get told off, I got cuddled instead. I sit with my head hung low and just stare into space, that always gets me out of a scolding.

I felt a lot better this morning so when I was on the beach and I thought I saw the brown curly job I took off like a rocket.  Nix apparently (according to her) very nearly had a heart attack. I got the wrong dog and the owner took one look at me hurtling towards her and her dog and turned round and went the other way. Nix wasn’t happy so I knew I’d be in trouble when I got home, probably no garden. Predictably the garden doors stayed closed so I did my ‘poor me’ routine on the sofa and didn’t eat my breakfast. That worked perfectly and I got a trip to the park and then ate my breakfast when I got back. 

 Nix got a new bag and we took it to the park. She filled it with everything we needed for a lovely dog walk except...poo bags.

19 Sept 2020

Nix says she just can’t make me out. One minute I’m about to peg out and she’s about to call the vet and the next I’m prancing around like a mad thing. I ate all my breakfast this morning which cheered her up and we had a lovely windy walk on the beach.  When we got home I was ‘acting a bit weird’ so she started worrying again. Then I fell asleep for a long time and woke up and gave her the ‘I want to go out again’ look.  When we got near some grass I started eating it, a lot of it and then I was sick. I came home and ate all my tea and now I’m crashed out in my bed. Nix does tend to overreact, I can’t be happy the whole day but I pulled funny faces to make her laugh. She needs to understand I am a sensitive soul moved by the universe and therefore my mood can change in an instant.

20 Sept 2020

Do you want to see the inside of my tummy. My vet had a competition to see if anyone knew what was inside it. There were lots of suggestions like Apple headphones, a mask and a necklace. We knew of course so Nix just waited for her moment and then wrote ‘subcutaneous uteral bypass’ but they knew it was us so we didn’t get the prize. 

We had a very quick walk along the beach this morning because Nix had her Zoom thingy at 8am.  As soon as we got to the beach I sensed a presence. Nix said I was jumping around like a cat on a hot tin roof...I mean what does that actually mean. Speaking of cats there was one on the beach. Pity I was on the lead because I could have done with a good run. Actually the cat belongs to the house on the beach where a lot of big dogs live and I’m not sure they’d appreciate me chasing their cat...probably for the best.

We went to the big hill after the Zoom thingy but it was very windy. Nix said it was too windy to climb to the top so we walked along the little wood at the bottom. When we got to the end I just set off up the hill, bit of wind never hurt anyone. Nix had no choice but to follow as there was no way I was going home yet. She said she was nearly getting blown over but you know how she likes to exaggerate.

I didn’t eat my breakfast but I had it for lunch and I feel quite well.

21 Sept 2020

So I had a shorter walk than normal this morning because later on we were going to meet up with Sheila and Ron and Willow. Nix was far too happy about this so I decided to refuse my breakfast just to keep her on her toes... it worked. 

At 10am we set off for Goring and arrived just in time and Willow was waiting for me. It’s a constant battle to keep Nix’s attention on moi in these situations so this is when I like to go too close to the road. If I didn’t do this Nix would be gabbing away putting the world to rights and I wouldn’t get a look in. I disappeared numerous times on the walk but annoyingly Nix always knows where I am these days. 

We all went for a lovely walk along the beach but it was very hot. I did my ‘almost passing out’ routine so Willow and I got to go in the sea and cool off. I did manage to step in something disgusting on the way back so had to go back in the sea to get clean.  Then we went to the café where the humans had hot drinks and ice cream. Willow and I got nothing but Ron did tip coffee all over Nix’s white trousers so that was very funny and served them all right. 

Willow is very pretty 💕

22 Sept 2020

So we had a sunrise walk on the beach this morning which was okay but still no site of the brown thing...very disappointing. Nix thought it would be good to go down to the shoreline which wasn’t one of her best ideas. Very high tide had made the pebbles very high, like a hill so whilst Nix was alright getting down (just about) there wasn’t much chance of her getting back up again until she got to the other end of the beach which isn’t as steep. Perfect opportunity for moi to investigate what was at the top of the hill without interference from Nix. I don’t know really why she keeps calling my name because I never take any notice and she should just give up and wait until I am ready to come down.

We had to sit in all morning because Nix had organised too many deliveries all at different times including Tesco’s with my turkey mince plus she had a Zoom meeting. It was absolute chaos and she’s lost her earphones which didn’t help. How can you lose a set of earphones when they’ve got a thundering great set of wires hanging from them. She said it was the perfect excuse to buy some smart wireless ones. You can just imagine how long they’d last with no wires to pinpoint their location, they’d have been lost in a day. Everything arrived except Nix’s medication which was due before 1 and it was only 11am. She decided to make a batch of my food and put her feet up while it was cooking and guess what...she fell asleep. My food burnt really badly and she’s had to throw it all away. Good job it was just the veg and my turkey mince is safe. She’ll have to do another lot tonight once she’s scraped the saucepan clean. 

Meds never arrived which put Nix in a bad mood because she says she’s not going into a chemist where there will be lots of young people bumping into each other and spreading the virus thingy. Thankfully our walk down the river seemed to help her to forget her woes plus someone called Boris was bringing the army in to sort out the young people. That seems to have cheered her up.

23 Sept 2020

So the day didn’t start too well. We set off for a special walk but halfway there something was wrong. The car was making bumpy noises so we stopped and we had a flat tyre. Why do these things happen on the way to the walk and not on the way back. We had to wait a long time for the AA man to come and it was horrible weather and very windy.  While the garage were putting the new tyre on they gave Nix a chair to sit on. I don’t know which annoyed her the most, the fact that they felt she was a bit ancient and needed to sit down or the fact it was on the side of the main road and had bird poo on it. To add insult to injury (to moi) when it was fixed Nix decided she needed a pee so we had to go home. 

Because my walk was cut short, well actually never materialised at all I was able to make Nix feel suitably guilty and she took me to the beach this afternoon.  I met one of my friends there, I like him but he was a bit annoying trying to get in on our selfie. 

Nix is attempting another batch of my food right now so I better go and keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep again.

Jjj

24 Sept 2020

It’s been very wet and very windy here today so not much in the way of walks. Had the usual down the beach this morning but Nix spent most of the time moaning about the wind.  We haven’t seen the brown curly job for ages but I’ve heard he’s had his coat shaved so from now on he is renamed ‘the brown job’ or ‘baldy’ if you prefer. 

We did go to the park when it stopped raining and that was okay. I met this weird little dog that kept sticking its bum in my face. I’m afraid the temptation was too great but for some reason everyone thought it was very funny. I do wish humans would make their minds up sometimes. Nix only had two poo bags on her and I tried desperately to squeeze a third one out, couldn’t do it, must be losing my touch. 

We’ve got a new neighbour moved into the empty bungalow next door. I’ve met her, she’s very nice but I know Nix will be panicking about me making too much noise. I never bark really except when I pick up my toy and stare at her. If she doesn’t play immediately I start barking. She’s been able to ignore me up until now but not any longer. I just have to pick up my toy and look at her and whatever she’s doing she stops and plays with me. I think I like this new neighbour.

25 Sept 2020

New Priory Vets in Brighton posted this, I am very proud and just a bit famous.

The handsome Fripp 😍

In the one picture you can see Fripp cuddling up to our vet Bronwen ahead of his appointment to flush his SUB port. 

In the other picture you can see his x-ray where the SUB port is. 

It was implanted 18 months ago due to a blocked ureter (tube from kidney to bladder) and he has been doing fabulously since!

25 Sept 2020

Twas not a good night last night all in all. Look I don’t know why I have to dig the floor up but I just do. Trying to psychoanalyse me out of it is never going to work. Nix had to get out of bed on numerous occasions to console me and I did go back to sleep but then the next thing you know I’m ‘at it again’ as Nix puts it. She eventually got to sleep but it was getting light so she wasn’t happy. When she woke up she said she’d had another one of her anxiety dreams where she’d had her bag stolen with her money and her keys and no one was taking any notice of her. Then she slipped on some ice and went arse over elbow which all sounds a bit like real life really. She manages to go arse over elbow even when it’s not icy plus she forgets her keys all the time. I woke her up three times...that’s a record. 

We’ve been to the river and the woods. It was so cold Nix decided to wear a hat. I positioned my poo perfectly under the tree with spiky branches and voila... off came the hat. Nix didn’t think it was funny especially as some of her hair got caught in the tree too. She said in her dream I’d been at home for four hours on my own and if I didn’t watch it, that dream might come true. Never going to happen of course because she won’t even leave me to go to the shop round the corner. 

No sign of ‘Baldy’ this morning.

26 Sept 2020

Well it hasn’t been too boring over the last 24 hours...

First of all last night on our last walk round the block there was a bit of an incident. Yes...gone for so long but now back again... Old Baldy aka the Brown Curly Job. I nearly didn’t recognise him with his stupid flashing blue collar but he growled first which alerted me to his presence. I went completely bonkers of course, it’s expected of me now. I was very noisy apparently and set all the dogs off who live on the street and there are a lot. Nix didn’t speak to me all the way home which is strange as she usually carries on a conversation for most of the journey. She says she’s thinking out loud but trust me, she is definitely talking to herself... I wouldn’t mind if it was interesting. So we get home and Nix is jumping around and screaming because there’s something called a daddy long legs flying at her. It’s not actually flying at her, it’s just that she’s in the way as usual like when she falls over me. Us wildlife always get the blame.

Nix’s usual routine in the morning is to turn on shower, go to loo, get undressed and walk in shower. This morning it was a bit different. Turn on shower, go to loo, get undressed, walk in shower and scream her head off...it was freezing cold. That was actually very funny, the screams were louder than the daddy long legs incident. Watching the news after was a mistake as lots of the young humans aren’t obeying the rules and it really annoys Nix. She says there’s too many of them gathering together and now they’ve spread the virus thingy. Also apparently some chap on Gogglebox said all the oldies should stay inside as it was them that were at risk...Nix has complained and unless there is someone else to take me out for walks I shall complain too.

Didn’t do that much today though we did get to go to the beach and the market and the boats. I was only allowed off the lead this morning on the beach when we had a friend walking with us who can actually see further than two meters in front just to make sure the bald one wasn’t around. Nix is about to get her eyes tested so I fear in the future she may see Old Baldy before I do. Going to make the best of it while I can.

27 Sept 2020

I only got a quick walk this morning as Nix has her Zoom thingy earlier now...8am. It’s not really acceptable is it, I have to wait for a proper walk until 10am. The worst part of it is that she sings, it’s not a particularly enjoyable sound and stops me from getting to sleep. She did make it up to me by taking me to the woods where I met a lot of dogs. There was even a brown curly job which was a bit worrying but it turned out to be a really nice new friend and we explored the woods together. We met a three legged dog who also had problems with one of his other legs. It made Nix very sad but he told me he was born like that and he really enjoys life. 

When we got home Nix decided to sort through some old photos. That was definitely not a good idea. I could hear her moaning in the other room that the days are gone when she could wear a cropped top or belted trousers or a short skirt.  Then she found one of her kneeling down cuddling Billy my predecessor. That set her off again but I told her it’s okay, I can get on the sofa so she doesn’t need to kneel.

28 Sept 2020

Had a couple of okay walks today, nothing too special but I’ve told Nix she can do better. I was given my freedom on the beach this afternoon but that was because we were headed in a westerly direction and Old Baldy never goes down that end. 

Hadn’t chased a cat in ages when one landed right in front of me.  Had I not been on the lead however I would have chased it for being stupid enough to jump off a wall and land where it did.  I’m not sure who was the most shocked, I went a bit rigid for a minute and when I came round it had run off. That’s one of its lives gone, just the other eight to work on. 

Nix has been ranting about her Tesco delivery and how it better have my turkey mince in it. She says she can’t beIieve how stupid humans are...buying too much shopping again and now there’s not enough for everyone else. I fear we are going to go back to the, “Oh my God I can’t get a delivery slot until 2022!” I’m not too worried as we still have the 250 tins of dog food she bought last time the humans went mad. She says it was okay for her because she was buying for me...agreed. 

Having a little rest now. 

29 Sept 2020

The sun’s been out today which I like if it’s not too hot. We went to the beach this morning and then came home for one of Nix’s Zoom meetings, no singing today thank goodness. Then we had to wait for the shopping to be delivered and I had to put up with Nix going on about idiot members of the public who were buying too many toilet rolls. I wasn’t really bothered about toilet rolls as long as my turkey mince was on board and thankfully everything Nix ordered arrived. Then we were able to go out again down the river and I managed a quick paddle and then had a good sleep in the spare room when we got back. I like to wait for Nix to settle down with her cup of tea before I start digging the duvet up...it always annoys her. 

Just managed to wangle another walk down the beach but I had to stay on my lead just in case of you know who. I have had three dinners already today so Nix is happier. I haven’t really been eating that well since I started my antibiotics but now I am used to them I am back to normal. Nix is a bit obsessed with my weight, pity she’s not so obsessed with her own.

30 Sept 2020

It was just the tiniest of incidents and to be honest, if Nix had been paying attention to moi instead of messaging her friend Sarah it might never have happened. Nix has to stand still when she’s messaging obviously because there are tree roots to fall over but I of course just carry on. I’m sorry but a garden with a cat in it and no fence is beyond temptation.  I did very nearly injure myself as I got a bit caught up in the netting and Nix was not happy. She said the netting was the fence but it didn’t look like a fence to me and having been cruelly deserted so she could send messages I only did what comes naturally. I never caught the stupid cat anyway as it had one of those cat flap thingies and it was too small for me. I’d like one of those so I could come and go as I please. 

Nix is meant to be cooking my turkey today but she says she can’t be bothered and wants to watch Four in a Bed. For friends outside of the UK this is not what it sounds like and is a boring programme about bed and breakfast places. Anyway there was no budging her so I expect I shall have to starve tonight.

PS I’m sending you a photo of my cutaneous horn, it’s growing nicely.